This post is the first in a series I plan to post alternately with the series on parenting. It is particularly directed as a help to my fellow leaders in the Student Ministries at the Bible Church of Little Rock (BCLR). We have several new staff members who have never served with us before, and for some of them, it is their first time serving in a capacity like this one. Therefore, this series is intended as a primer for leading small groups like those in our youth group. It is dedicated to the leaders with whom I serve and without whom I would not have a ministry to the youth at BCLR. 

I have been involved in leading small groups in some capacity since I was eighteen years old. Nearly twenty years have passed since then, and I am now in my tenth year as the Student Ministries Pastor at BCLR. Most of my experience has been with youth ranging from seventh to twelfth grade. I share all this so that readers are aware of the kinds of bents and tendencies they might expect in my approach to leading small groups.  

Leading a small group is deceptively difficult. On the one hand, leading discussion is all that is required. There is no particular preparation that must take place beforehand. On the other hand, leading a profitable discussion is easier said than done. In one sense, your whole life up to the point of the meeting serves as preparation for leading the small group. Here is a passage that reflects a basic goal of small groups:

But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng. - Psalm 55:13–14 (ESV) 

Although these verses reflect David’s sadness and pain, that very sadness and pain underscore the power of godly companionship. David’s first reminiscence about his friend centers on the sweet counsel they used to enjoy together. Indeed, this is the very kind of companionship which we are seeking to teach to students. As more seasoned believers, we know something of the sweetness and preciousness of sharing our lives with other believers. Especially in the case of difficulties and knotty circumstances, learning to benefit from discussion with peers is an invaluable blessing. 

At the core of the purpose of small groups is profitable conversation. I call this discourse. When I lead students in small groups, this is my immediate goal. I set my sights on this goal and drive toward it in conversation. When David writes about taking sweet counsel together, he is describing the goal to which I am driving. The fact that David laments something here that so few can relate to is lamentable in itself. There are few things so sweet, so socially delectable, so pleasant to the heart, as taking counsel toget­her with someone you consider to be a peer and close friend. This speaks to a kind of respect that is not due to a station in life but to learned and lived experience together. There are years of ups and downs in a relationship behind the pain that David is attempting to describe. The pain of betrayal is all the worse because the person was held in such a trusted position in David’s heart.  

It is a basic goal in small groups for students to learn to discourse together. In general, small group situations are often a time for sizing others up, for manipulating appearances, for one-upping, and generally for hiding one’s true self as much as possible. People often leave small groups not heavily stimulated by the conversation. That fact is a reflection of the lack of discourse that so often happens. Discourse is many things, but for those participating in it, it is never boring.  

When David describes his sorrow at the betrayal by his friend, we can see what we are hoping to cultivate in the students. David calls him his equal, his companion, his familiar friend. These three terms all describe one kind of relationship. David could talk with this friend. They respected each other, listened to each other, shared with each other, and sought to help each other. When they were surrounded by teems of people worshipping God, each served as a reference point for each other. The chaos and noise of many people gathered to worship was less overwhelming because they were aware of each other. This is what we are trying to cultivate in small groups. It is far more than discussing the sermon that has been heard. The sermon is only a tool in the conversation. Smal groups are about people, so people must be the focus. They are a time for neighbors to love one another. You cannot love a person better than you know them. While there is much that all people have in common by virtue of being made in God’s image, our ability to love one another is made far more profound by how much we know one another, not just for what joins us together, but also for what distinguishes us from each other. Small group is a means to that end. It is a time when students are asked to sit together to “take counsel” together. They are, by definition, not very good at it. Oftentimes, we are not very good at it either.  

Why is discourse the first goal? Profitable conversation is highly valuable. It also must be learned. Small groups serve as a sort of lab or training ground for students to wet their feet and try their hand at it. There are various ways I have attempted to do this, but all of them have centered on one core aim: understanding the students. That is the focus of the next several articles in this series.