And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?” - Jonah 4:11 (ESV)

There are two things I should address right away. First, I understand that the topic of this article might seem crass. I do not intend it to be that way, as I hope my writing will bear out. Second, I do not think that Jonah 4:11 is talking about helping children to use the bathroom. I will explain why I use this verse momentarily.

The topic of this article is helping children use the bathroom. This is one of those topics that is so basic that it is easily skipped. I cannot recall ever reading anything on this topic. Nevertheless, as a parent, this task takes up a large amount of time. In my time as a parent, I calculate that I have changed thousands of diapers. My wife has no doubt changed more than I have. But it goes beyond diapers. Within a couple years of being born, most children are ready to learn to relieve themselves in a commode rather than a diaper. However, there is a significant amount of time and effort that must be put into helping a child to refrain from relieving themselves until they are able to make it to the bathroom. Then there is the need for a child to learn to clean themselves.

Two Contrasting Truths

It is understandable that new parents might be somewhat taken aback by the demands laid on them by the simple task of keeping their child clean from excrement. There are two opposite forces at work, at least in my mind. One is that I take care of my own body so regularly that it does not occupy much active thought. It is simply a given part of my life. The other is that caring for someone else in this way requires a large amount of time and effort. Whereas I don’t think about myself in this way, but am used to it, I am unused to caring for another in the same way that I care for myself. And yet, my child needs this for the sake of his or her health. It is not an option. It is a necessity.

The two opposing forces I analyzed in the previous paragraph lead me to a conclusion that I find rather surprising: helping my children poop is about as authentic an example of loving my neighbor as myself as I can imagine. How, then, should parents think and go about helping their children to use the bathroom? I suggest three things: patience, compassion, and discernment. But before I mention each of these, I want to explain my citation of Jonah 4 at the beginning of this article.

Jonah 4:11 does not specify who is intended by the 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left. Interpretations are mixed regarding who should be identified as such, but children certainly offer a compelling option. It makes a lot of sense that Yahweh would refer to them, since they are not guilty of the kinds of actions for which Jonah likely hated the Assyrians. Children, especially babies, have a much diminished moral awareness and agency compared to adults. Certainly, babies are simply unaware of and unable to make many sinful choices of which they may become guilty later in life. Yahweh’s question to Jonah challenges him to consider whether he really thinks it is best for so many to be destroyed. There is an implicit charge that Jonah is unjust, that he lacks compassion, and that he is indiscriminate. Parents can commit these same errors with their children, in some ways perhaps especially when they are inconvenienced by their children’s need to relieve themselves and then be cleaned.

Patience, Compassion, and Discernment

Parents need to be patient. For new parents, the sheer number of diapers that need to be changed may be shocking. For many new parents, there is a kind of delirium that occurs after birth. There is a lot less sleep and a lot more uncertainty. I remember the nervousness I felt with our first couple children at the hospital and soon arriving home. This was because we were handed a sheet of paper designed to track the times and frequency of feedings and diaper changes. Our children needed to reach certain milestones before the doctor would pronounce them ready to be discharged. Upon arriving home, there was still much to understand about the frequency of diaper changes and feedings. In all of it, and in the years following, patience has always been required. There is simply no substitute for it. 

Parents also need to be compassionate. Compassion is embedded in the question that Yahweh asks of Jonah. How could Jonah feel nothing but a vicious desire for revenge against people who don’t know their right hand from their left? The question is best taken as having a double intention: on the one hand, Yahweh asks Jonah the question. On the other hand, the fact that the question is the last thing the reader reads, with no response from Jonah recorded, leaves the reader to consider the question. The reader can’t know what Jonah said. It is not recorded. The reader is left to consider his own answer to the question. What would I say? Shouldn’t Yahweh have pity on Nineveh? Shouldn’t I? As we turn our attention back to children learning to relieve themselves, there is plenty of carryover in terms of the principles at work. Parents sometimes get frustrated by the endless changing of diapers, the wetting of the bed, or the constipation. Children have to learn to relieve themselves regularly, consistently, and cleanly. This takes time. There are many things to learn. As parents teach their children, they must be compassionate. 

Lastly, parents also need to be discerning. There are many health issues that can crop up related to diaper issues. Diaper rash, urinary tract infections, constipation, and diarrhea are a small sampling. That is not to mention the task of teaching children to go to the bathroom instead of filling a diaper, bedwetting, and wiping themselves. Most parents will experience all of these issues, and all children are different. The number of potential issues and the diversity and uniqueness of children is why discernment is required. With babies, it is relatively simple: change diapers frequently and clean the area well. As babies grow into toddlers, discerning when to start potty training can be difficult. There are no hard and fast rules, but common sense says that six months is way too early to start potty training and six years is way too late. Somewhere in the 18 to 36-month range seems to be the most common. In any case, parents must exercise discernment, taking statistics and common practices into account without allowing statistics or what is supposedly normal to dictate what may be best for a specific child. 

Conclusion

I have never heard a parent complain about changing diapers. It is a funny thing. A parent may go years without caring for anyone but themselves. Suddenly, he or she is tasked with keeping another person clean. It is a testimony to the love that the Heavenly Father designed for parents to have for their children that they become used to it quickly. Helping children in this area is little discussed, but still essential for all that.