“How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? - Proverbs 1:22 (ESV)

“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (ESV)

How should small group leaders handle difficult students? By “difficult,” I mean students who do not participate easily and freely in conversations in small groups. Difficult students come in many varieties. The purpose of this article is to list out some of the common kinds of students that I have seen and suggest strategies for how to engage with them. In order to do this, I’d like to start by considering the implications of Proverbs 1:22. 

The proverb above is part of a larger speech by Lady Wisdom. That is, wisdom is personified as a woman who calls after the crowds in the city to follow her. The proverb above is part of her pitch for people to leave off their old ways and follow in hers. In Proverbs, the simple are those who are naïve and easily led astray. The scoffers are those who, well, scoff and make fun rather than engage seriously with anything (the simple are willing to engage, but they follow whoever happens to offer to lead them). Fools are those who are dedicated to their own way of living despite the fact that it is wicked, unjust, or otherwise wrong. They are not simple because they are not easily led; they are firmly headed in the wrong direction. They are not scoffers because they are more focused on other things than making fun of and jeering at wisdom. Interestingly, but maybe unsurprisingly, these three kinds of people map well onto my experience of what difficult students in small groups are like. In significant ways, these three, the simple, the scoffer, and the fool, represent difficult students in increasing order of difficulty. 

The Simple

The student who could be categorized as “simple” is not necessarily intentionally difficult. This is a student who tends to match the worst behavior of the other students in the group. What makes this kind of student difficult is not so much misbehavior as a difficulty in following a discussion at anything but the most superficial level. This kind of student struggles to see the need for wisdom, being satisfied instead with a kind of obliviousness that leaves the student unaware of the danger of foolishness or the delight of wisdom based in the fear of Yahweh.

The Scoffer

The category of “scoffer” includes a range of students, some of whom are more disruptive than others. The scoffer may include a student who intentionally ruins the discussion by interjecting ridiculous statements, running around the room, or making fun of other students. In general, a scoffer is not so much interested in doing his own thing as he is in ruining the time for everyone else. If he can be allowed to divert the group away from real conversation into a parody of itself, he will. 

The Fool

The fool also includes a range of students. What ties this category together in my mind is the student’s commitment to live his life firmly in the wrong direction. The student is not simple in the sense that he could theoretically be led by anyone. He appears fundamentally uninterested in anything related to what is good, right, and true. He shows no signs of spiritual life, including interest in Scripture, a desire for God, or conviction of sin. He seems already to have an idea of how he wants to live his life, and it is not a godward direction.

I should make a caveat here: the vast majority of my experience in small groups is with young men. There are, I am sure, nuances to groups of young women that I do not know simply because I do not have the experience. Still, both men and women can be simple, a scoffer, or a fool. 

Some Suggestions

So, how should leaders plan to deal with students like these? I will make a few suggestions. 

First, fit your approach to your understanding of them. It is unwise to talk to every student in the same way. The simple need help to understand. The scoffer needs to be held to an appropriate standard of behavior so that small group is possible, and he also needs to be challenged in a winsome way. The fool needs to be exhorted to consider his ways so that he can see the despair at the end of the way he is going. In general, you should match your approach to the student with an awareness of the mix of understanding and ignorance you have of the heart of the student.

Second, don’t assume you know their hearts. I have been surprised time and time again by students who appeared to be fit the biblical criteria of the simple, the scoffer, or the fool, only to find that it was an initial impression that did not hold up over time. It is dangerous and, ironically, foolish to judge students quickly. A first impression may not last, and that can be a very good thing. Leaders cannot avoid first impressions and do not need to try. However, they should not treat first impressions as final judgements. We only know people’s hearts as they reveal them to us, and hearts are rarely revealed in a full sort of sense in a first impression.

Third, don’t give up. This point follows from the second. None of us knows the specific plans God has for any individual student. Students may start out simple only for the Lord to make them prudent. They may start out scoffing only for the Lord to make them marvel at Christ. They may start out foolish only to be gripped by the fear of Yahweh and start on the path of wisdom. We never know what the Spirit may be doing in their hearts, so we should not judge one as a lost cause as long as the Lord gives them breath in their lungs to confess and repent. However, the inverse is also true. Students may start out seeming for all the world to be prudent, or followers of Christ, or fearing Yahweh, only for time to show that they are simple, scoffers, or foolish. It is essential never to give up on students who seem like lost causes, and it is equally crucial never to assume that good signs guarantee godly character. 

Conclusion

It is no secret that dealing with difficult students is, well, difficult. They challenge leaders’ humility, love, and compassion, among other things. In fact, what comes out of a leader’s heart in response to difficult students is probably the hardest thing about it. But leaders ned not give up. We are not alone. We have the Spirit’s help to refuse to gratify selfish desires and honor Christ instead. Even if a particular student never comes to Christ and follows the way of wisdom while they are in our group, we can strive to model the love and wisdom of Christ so that they might have nothing to say against Him when they leave. If we can manage that, then we can be content.