"...and knowledge with self-control..." - 2 Peter 1:6a (ESV)
Self-control is the third character quality with which the apostle Peter calls us to supplement our faith. In this series so far, we have already studied virtue and knowledge.
What is self-control? Self-control means just what it sounds like. The Greek term combines the word for"might" or "strength" with the preposition "in". In English, the term evokes the image of being in our own driver's seat, of being the captain of our own ship, of beating down any mutiny. From the Greek, a more wooden translation would be something like "self-rule." The imagery is more evocative of something like dominion, like a king whose reign is total and his authority absolute.
There are some common areas that come to mind when we talk about self-control. One is our emotions, especially anger. We speak in English about "losing our temper." This is a funny phrase that I understand has its roots in the medieval notion of bodily humors, which were thought to be the determiners of our moods. Nevertheless, the phrase "lose my temper" evokes the image of me losing my grip on the leash as my dog runs away. Or perhaps for some, the phrase makes them think of misplacing something like our keys or other small item, which we now can't find.
In any case, none of this imagery is particularly accurate, and that is mostly because losing something implies less guilt than there really is when we lack self-control with our emotions. The biblical imagery is that of self-mastery rather than keeping or losing. They are close in some ways, but not the same. There is more guilt implied if I describe my anger in terms of losing control rather than losing my temper. If I lose control, it is because I failed to hold a position that was mine to hold. Losing control implies a weakness of a moral sort. But if I lose my temper, that may simply be because I misplaced it or it slipped out of my grasp. The language of control is closer to the biblical instruction than losing my temper, even if, in the original usage, the connotations may have been more similar.
Another common area to which we often refer when we speak about self-control is choices, that is, self-discipline. It is worth pointing out that the term "self-discipline" is actually closer in some ways to the Greek than our term "self-control". Certainly, the two terms are close cousins. Just think of the self-control or self-discipline required to refrain from eating that extra cookie. Either term is a fitting descriptor of this scenario.
As I write this, I was in an interesting version of this scenario myself just the other day. I was in a position where I had to drive multiple hours on little sleep. This is dangerous, of course, and I was prepared to pull over and rest my eyes before continuing on. I did not end up doing this, but I should have. I know this because I did not exercise self-control with regard to eating. There were sugary snacks easily accessible to me while driving, and I gorged myself on them to stay awake.
Some might tell me, "But you had a reason for eating those snacks. You were driving and needed to stay awake." Perhaps. Not really. I needed to stay awake while driving, yes, but eating those snacks was not the only way to achieve the goal. This excuse for a lack of self-control is not a good one. Our excuses rarely are.
Why is it a poor excuse in this case? I could have pulled over to rest my eyes before continuing. I know from experience that even three to five minutes of shutting my eyes can replenish my energy for hours. There was no "need" to eat the sugary snacks. They represented the path of least resistance at the moment, and I should not have followed it.
So it often is with our self-control. A lot of self-control is taking the harder step at the time rather than the easier one. And whichever we choose at a particular moment will tend to have cascading effects in the future, for better or worse. My current gastrointestinal discomfort as I write is a cascading effect of my poor choices yesterday.
Why self-control? Self-control is not as hard to understand as it is to possess. And yet, there are few qualities so immediately practical in their value for everyday life. Just consider Proverbs 25:28: "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." (ESV)
What is so bad about a city broken into and left without walls? A city broken into is one that enemies have infiltrated and can continue to infiltrate. A city without walls is one that anyone and anything can enter. It is a city with no defenses. Any external power can enter at will and do as it pleases.
The point of the metaphor becomes clear at this point. A person without self-control is a person at the mercy of outside influences. His internal state is not determined by principles or convictions. Instead, whatever he hears, sees, or otherwise experiences has total power over him. If we are not self-controlled, then we are others-controlled. If we do not control ourselves, then others will.
How do we cultivate self-control? If we take the metaphor of the defenseless city as a starting point, then we can say that we need to construct some defenses. This means making ourselves less vulnerable to control by outside influences. Our emotions are in view in particular.
Perhaps the most obvious strategy for developing self-control is accepting responsibility. If I admit that I am responsible for my actions (and my reactions), then I will be disposed to perceive more directly the full weight of my choices in any given moment. As an illustration, if I hear that a stranger was mugged in an alleyway last night in another city, I may feel compassion for the person, but that is about it. If I am in the alleyway and I see my wife in the act of being mugged, won't I be compelled to do something about it? Of course. This is not a stranger in another city last night. This is happening to my wife in front of me right now.
So it is with self-control. If we acknowledge the full extent and range of those choices and actions for which I am responsible, then I will be far more inclined to do something about correcting wrong choices and bringing those areas into proper dominion. For Christians, this is a question of honoring God with our lives. We have been saved not to live for ourselves but to live for God. If I am living by my own standards, then I can make excuses for my behavior. If I am living by God's standards, then I cannot make excuses. Denial of responsibility is the enemy of self-control. I am responsible before God for how I act, regardless of what others do and say. The most people and circumstances can do is test my self-control. They never take control of my will unless I give it up. And if I give it up, then it is my fault.
Some might read this and think that this is hopelessly guilt-inducing. Good. We are sinful to the core and hopeless apart from the grace of God in our lives. If someone reads this and becomes utterly desperate at the state of their lives, let them run to the throne of grace to receive help and mercy in time of need (Heb. 4:16). Let them confess their sin to the only one who can cleanse them from it. If they say they have no sin, they lie and do not practice the truth (1 John 1:6-10). If we are going to receive all the forgiveness and grace we need, we must be willing to acknowledge all of the sin and desperation we have. We cannot expect grace and forgiveness for sin and vice that we refuse to acknowledge. Where we find ourselves inadequate is where we ask Him for grace to rise to the challenge. If we believe we are not responsible for ourselves, then we explain away the need for God's grace along with our failure, which helps nothing. Thanks be to God that He has offered us all the help we need to develop self-control. We need not despair, except of our own strength. By submitting fully to Christ's rule over us, we lay the foundation for the self-rule that He commands.