For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. - Psalm 139:13 (ESV)
“When men strive together and hit a pregnant woman, so that her children come out, but there is no harm, the one who hit her shall surely be fined, as the woman’s husband shall impose on him, and he shall pay as the judges determine. But if there is harm, then you shall pay life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe. - Exodus 21:22–25 (ESV)
One of the most obvious biblical facts about children is that they are valued as human beings made in God’s image from conception. Babies are babies before they are born. They are members of mankind. This is not a personal stance so much as a biblical reality. Anyone who denies or depreciates the significance of life in the womb must contend with God’s say on the matter. There can be no doubt regarding whose say is final.
This is not an article about abortion per se, but about how parents can think about children in the womb. I write as a father, not a mother, so my perspective is necessarily skewed in that direction. I can try to imagine what it is like to be a mother with a child growing inside my womb, but I will never have that experience. My vantage point is that of an awed spectator.
However, if “spectator” is the only word to describe my role in the pregnancy process, then I am not involved enough. As parents await the birth of their child, doing nothing is an inadequate list of tasks.
When to Identify as a Parent
Notice what the psalmist writes about his time in the womb. He writes that God “knitted” him together in his mother’s womb. In the context of the psalm, the point is that God knows David intimately. Even more than that, David credits God with piecing his body together bit by bit, cell by cell, in his mother’s womb. From the perspective of parents, this means that David was a person as he was growing in the womb. There was nothing essential that changed once he was born.
Parents should think of themselves as parents before their baby is actually born. Obviously, there is a lot more work to do for everyone involved once the baby is born. Upon birth, the baby leaves the mother’s womb and enters the light of day for the first time. The baby is exposed to all the dangers of the outside world. He had been protected by his mother on the inside, but now he needs a lot of care.
Pre-Parenting Counseling
How do parents anticipate the birth of their child? One of the most helpful things we have found for new parents is what we call “pre-parenting counseling.” Pre-parenting counseling is modeled after premarital counseling, which is a common practice in my circles. Premarital counseling occurs when a couple considering marriage or engaged to be married meets with someone for the purpose of discussing topics related to marriage. This tends to be so useful in preventing unnecessary problems in marriage that many pastors I know, including myself, refuse to marry a couple without some form of premarital counseling or its equivalent.
What about pre-parenting counseling? It is what it sounds like. Two new parents meet with an older and wiser couple to discuss topics related to parenting. It is hard to overestimate how useful a thing this can be. Yet, strangely, it is not very common to my knowledge. To be sure, it is my experience that mothers are much more likely to seek out wisdom from other women, whether in person or online. But pre-parenting counseling emphasizes personal meetings between couples who know each other, when possible.
There are many things that can be discussed in pre-parenting counseling: perspectives, doubts, fears, principles, childhood experiences, etc. The benefits of pre-parenting counseling are many. Fathers and mothers come from different families, so they were raised differently, sometimes very much so, and other times more similarly. The differences in each parent’s childhood experience will, of course, impact how a man or a woman thinks about how to raise their own children.
The number of potential perspectives and opinions is as great as the number of parents. Take the extreme case of a couple who are as different as can be: one is from the eastern part of the world, and the other is from the west. One is significantly older than the other. One is highly educated and the other is not. One is a devoted Christian and the other is not. Their native languages differ (I am even aware of married couples who do not speak each other’s languages). One grew up an orphan and the other had two dedicated parents. One received a lot of supervision and the other did not.
Consider the couple described above. Are they likely to think about parenting in the same way? Of course not! As each one of them anticipates the birth of their child, their thoughts will be distinct from one another. The potential number of disagreements, conflicts, disputes, and differences is staggering. Although the couple described above is theoretical, it is not fantastical. If you are reading this and are married, consider how different you are from your spouse. Is there not a great variety of differences between you?
What can possibly be done to unite two people from disparate contexts and life experiences under one approach to anticipating and raising their child? It must be a source that reconciles all their differences to a set of principles and perspectives that transcend their individuality. The only authoritative source for that is found in Scripture.
The two passages at the head of this article help to confirm for parents that the child being knitted together in the mother’s womb is nothing less than another member of mankind made in God’s image, just like the child’s parents. There is nothing lesser, no partial dignity, no not-quite-there personhood, no loss of status by virtue of stage of development or physical location in the womb.
Conclusion
In general, there are two areas in which parents can prepare for the birth of their children: the first is in terms of preparing the physical space, and the second is in terms of personal relationship. Materials such as clothing, cribs, car seats, and the like need to be gathered for the child. Put simply, the baby will occupy space and time after birth. Parents need to prepare to feed, clothe, protect, and nurture their child following birth. Of course, the mother also needs to be taken into account. Her health is tied up with her child’s, and her body is doing the incredible work of providing the materials out of which the child’s body continues to develop. Mothers should take care regarding their work and rest balance, as well as their diet. Fathers should seek to watch for signs of distress in their wives, recognizing that the mother is going through a process of particular strain and stress that is at once vital and also something he will never experience.
In terms of personal relationship, parents need to prepare appropriately to raise their child in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This requires that parents be patient with each other as they talk through different aspects of parenting. They will need to discern the Lord’s will together, discerning what is good, acceptable, and perfect. Pre-parenting counseling is useful for this. However, the main thing is that parents talk and share with one another. Read parenting books together. Discuss parenting topics together. Share fears, excitement, worries, and dreams.
The time between discovering pregnancy and birth is fraught with activity and change. There is so much variety in parents’ experience that it is impossible to predict how things will go. The more important thing is to remember the goodness and value of the child that is growing in the mother’s womb and to prepare as well as possible for the child’s birth, given the situation and the circumstances of each particular pregnancy.