And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples. - Matthew 9:10 (ESV)
Bringing food to small group can be a surprisingly effective method for helping students to cultivate comfort and trust with one another. In this article, I discuss the reasons that food is a helpful means for connecting with other people and why small group leaders may consider including it as a part of their time together. As the Scripture above shows, eating was something that Jesus shared in common with those who were considered the worst among them. This sets an example for smal group leaders to think about.
The Nature of Food and Eating
Food is a fascinating thing. Every human being needs it, and the majority of the world consumes it every day. If you think about it as objectively as possible, there is something a little strange about staring at something on a plate and then considering where you are about to put it and what effect it will have on you. Just think for a moment about what it would be like to have been a spirit that suddenly acquires a body. You have never eaten before. You have never had lips, or teeth, or a stomach. Suddenly, you have a body, and you understand that you must pick up something with your new hands and somehow make it a part of yourself. It must become part of your body. Indeed, what you put in you will become your body.
Now, the above thought experiment is not intended to make readers feel strange and awkward around food. The purpose is to consider from one perspective how strange and awkward eating food actually is, and yet very few people feel awkward about doing it in front of other people (I don’t personally know of anyone). Our comfort level with food, which is intensely personal and individual, may help to make sense of why people are often more comfortable talking with one another while eating together than not. It is an intensely personal experience that is shared with others.
Food is a great motivator of conversation. To be sure, food can serve as an unhelpful distraction. But having something to snack on together can often provide a helpful sort of structure for the conversation. Even for those who are uninterested in the topic or who have little to say, they can participate in eating even if they do not choose to participate in the discussion. In this way, the food serves as a superficial link for everyone in the room that can in turn serve as a bridge to develop stronger and deeper ties with one another through discussion.
Food as a Rallying Point
The point of this article is to claim that small group leaders may find that their group talks, listens, and shares more easily if they have some sort of snack to eat while they meet. Of course, we are not talking about a full meal. We are talking about a small snack that serves as a practical focus for the group that then allows real conversation to occur.
One way to think about food is as a structure for the conversation, or a superficial link, as I wrote above. Everyone needs food. Everyone eats. It is a universal practice, and yet it is also individualized for each person. No one, I mean, can eat for someone else. Each individual person must eat or die.
When a small group sits around a table, everyone may feel a sense of awkwardness. What are they doing there? The students may come from different schools, different cultures, different socioeconomic background, different spiritual heritages. What will unite them? Everyone needs food. Just think about the verse at the head of this article. What did Jesus, the eternal Son of God incarnate, share in common with tax collectors and sinners? We could say very little. But one thing they all shared was the need to eat. They could eat together, and so they did. And as they did, Jesus, united to them and yet so different from them, could talk with them, and they could listen and ask questions. It is an incredible scene.
If Jesus can bridge the gap between Himself and tax collectors and sinners, then small group leaders can certainly do so. The gap is much more narrow between everyone else on earth compared to that between Jesus and everyone else.
How to Do It
How does bringing food work? The idea is pretty simple. It can be organized so that people take turns bringing it, or the leader can do it. Something like popcorn or other finger foods allows students to sit and munch on food while they think or listen. For students prone to interrupting one another, chewing helps to prevent everyone from being ready to talk all at once. This allows for more of what might be called “civil” conversation, despite the students not actually being civil. In that sense, food is a sort of band-aid measure while the students learn to be quick to hear and slow to speak (James 1:19).
Food can serve as a healthy distraction for those who are more awkward or less socially comfortable in the group. Food is a wonderful equalizer. But it is preferable to bring food that every can eat, even if they do not all eat it. Students may have an array of allergies, sensitivities, and preferences, with the latter mattering the least. If the food is peanut M&M’s and popcorn, but there is a student with a peanut allergy, the food may join the rest together, but it will have the effect of isolating the student with the allergy. This is why it is important for everyone to be able to eat the food. It does not matter as much if a student could eat and chooses not to. Since the option is there, the choice not to eat may be for any number of reasons, and it does not necessarily isolate because of that.
Conclusion
In conclusion, bringing food to eat together is a surprisingly powerful and effective means of encouraging a group of students to be comfortable with each other. Eating is at once a highly communal and individual activity. By pairing food with small group, the act of eating (individual) together (communal) can serve as a bridge to sharing thoughts, ideas, and perspectives when students would otherwise be less willing. In other words, eating together helps people to open up to one another. It is of course not necessary for leaders to have food in small group, and food could become the main thing rather than a supplemental thing. But if leaders can avoid the misuse of food, it is well worth considering.