But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. — Matthew 6:6
Prayer is not always necessary or appropriate depending on the group. Prayer is a desirable thing to do with the group, but that does not make it necessary. The group may not be in a good place to pray. It may be that the leader would be required to force prayer. But this is generally undesirable.
What defines a “good place to pray,” and how would a leader recognize it? The answer will depend on the judgment of each leader in the moment and upon reflection. Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well, “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”[1] In other words, our worship, including prayer, should not be perfunctory or “just because.” It also should not be motivated by mere duty. Leaders ought to focus on the heart of students and how their outward behavior flows from it rather than settling for external conformity.
Sometimes, leaders want students to pray because it makes them feel more comfortable and less nervous about the students’ spiritual state. But if the students are not praying in spirit and truth, and have no notion of their need to do so, what good are their prayers? They should rather be taught how to pray, even to pray for their own hearts, that they might pray about other things better.
The Blessings and the Dangers of Prayer
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warns two different kinds of people regarding prayer.[2] One is the hypocrite, and the other is the Gentile.[3] The hypocrite is a Jew who has the Scripture and knows about God, but their motivation to pray is to be seen by others. They have the appearance of godliness but not the substance. In other words, they look godly, but they are in truth ungodly. They do not pray to heaven, they pray in front of people. And in being seen by people, they cultivate the reputation they want with the world while ignoring their reputation with God. They do not care about knowing God or coming into His presence. Their prayer is a facsimile of godliness, not the real thing. The greatest benefit the hypocrite derives from his prayer is the false reputation he cultivates among the people whom he has duped.
The Gentile, on the other hand, is a pagan worshipper who does not know God or seek Him. Unlike the hypocrite, who pretends to pray to the one true God, the Gentile worshipper truly prays to a false God. Unlike the hypocrite, the Gentiles are seeking real power in their prayers, but the power for the Gentiles is in the prayers themselves, the “empty phrases”, and not in the gods to whom they pray. The power of the Gentiles’ prayers is in saying the right words in the right way to conjure the desired response from their fickle, temperamental, and limited gods.
Students who grow up in church are more easily in danger of becoming like the hypocritical Jews who knew how to relate to God but only followed the form to fake the substance. Students who did not grow up in church are more likely to see prayer as a semi-magical way of making their desires come true if they say their prayers the right way. Neither is good. Small group leaders must be careful to avoid cultivating either of these kinds of prayers among students.
So, how should leaders approach prayer? Should it ever be done? Should it always be done? The answer is that it depends. As in so many situations, leaders must exercise wisdom and discernment. On the one hand, there is the danger of prayer being so disrespected and abused that God is mocked rather than worshipped during prayer. On the other hand, there is the danger of failing to learn one of the Christian’s most essential practices. Leaders must exercise caution with prayer.
Despite what I wrote above, I intend to give a clear answer to the question regarding prayer. In short, I recommend that small groups pray. Leaders should be aware of the dangers of inadvertently encouraging hypocrisy, but it is not necessary to discard all prayer because of the dangers inherent in it. There are dangers inherent in not praying as well. It is wise to consider that the choice is not entirely black and white. There are good reasons to pray and there are good reasons not to pray. The way of wisdom is in the middle, where the dangers on either side are safely avoided. Prayer should be prioritized without being idolized. Students can learn to pray without being taught to be hypocrites. To wrap up this article, I will make a few suggestions for how to do it.
Don’t Force Students to Pray
It ought to go without saying that it would be unwise to force students to pray. If students do not want to pray, do not seek to require them to do so. Do not condemn them or seek to manipulate them into it. Prayer needs to be voluntary. It must be something that a person decides to do, not something they can be forced to do.
Show Them How by Using Biblical Models
It is a good idea to teach students to pray by keeping their Bibles open in front of them. It is a strange irony that many people shut their Bibles when prayer begins. Leaders can encourage students to pray according to the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6, or one of Paul’s prayers in his epistles, or a psalm. Using Scripture as a foundation or model for prayer helps to shape and guide the students’ prayers. Using Scripture helps students to learn how to pray from God Himself.
Have Them Pray for One Another
One way that students can pray is for one another. After some students have shared about their lives, others can take those things and use them to pray for their fellow students. As students listen to others describe their requests for prayer, they can learn to ask for prayer that is focused not only on personal circumstances but also on their hearts and the hearts of others in their
Conclusion
In general, prayer is a good thing that students need to learn. But they need to learn to do it biblically. It must not be perfunctory or pagan. It can be halting and immature, but it cannot be disrespectful and blasphemous. There is no magic in prayer itself. There is great power in praying to the God of the universe, who makes Himself known to us through His Son and by His Spirit.
[1] John 4:24.
[2] Matthew 6:5-7.
[3] Cf. 2 Timothy 3:5.